Also known as an argument. Or worse, a fight.
My husband and I were there recently. We were both tired, there was too much left to do and we were not talking to each other. You know, when you get that sinking feeling that occurs before one of you blurts something out, something you probably wouldn't say if the circumstances were just slightly different (read: sane).
Couples are going to argue; the key is how you do it. I think we all mess it up at least some of the time. What's your strategy for such tenses times? Have a story that showcases your missteps? How about your triumphant ability to overcome little - or big - squabbles?
Showing posts with label communication. Show all posts
Showing posts with label communication. Show all posts
Monday, November 9, 2009
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
The grudge report
Please don't tell anyone, bit I kind of hold grudges. Part of it is because I don't do a good job of expressing my likes and dislikes. I get too worried about hurting people's feelings.
If you've ever answered "I don't care" when someone asked where you wanted to go to dinner--and fretted later because the person didn't read your mind--you're guilty. Sometimes the nicest thing you can do is just be a little more straightforward.
That's why I'm going to practice these steps for healthier communication:
1. Be honest with myself and others about my likes and dislikes.
2. Speak from the heart.
3. Let go of little problems and hurts.
One final note: my personal pet peeve is when people use honesty as permission to say anything. (You know, stuff like this: "Yes, grandma, we're using the dishes you gave us ... as planters." Or, "Sure boss, that's a great idea, and if you could just find someone else to do it right ...") So for me, I'll focus on a happier balance of truth with compassion.
What will you do for yourself today?
-- Post From My iPhone
If you've ever answered "I don't care" when someone asked where you wanted to go to dinner--and fretted later because the person didn't read your mind--you're guilty. Sometimes the nicest thing you can do is just be a little more straightforward.
That's why I'm going to practice these steps for healthier communication:
1. Be honest with myself and others about my likes and dislikes.
2. Speak from the heart.
3. Let go of little problems and hurts.
One final note: my personal pet peeve is when people use honesty as permission to say anything. (You know, stuff like this: "Yes, grandma, we're using the dishes you gave us ... as planters." Or, "Sure boss, that's a great idea, and if you could just find someone else to do it right ...") So for me, I'll focus on a happier balance of truth with compassion.
What will you do for yourself today?
-- Post From My iPhone
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Listen up!
My 3-year-old is not a good listener. it often takes two or three statements to elicit any response. And it can be frustrating. Partly it's his age, but we're also aware of the importance of teaching him to be a good listener. Because it's more than just manners. It's a life skill.
I know, that sounds terribly cheesy. But think how frustrated you get in the doctor's office when you see three or four different people--the receptionist, the nurse's assistant, the nurse, and the doctor--and they all ask you the same questions? Does it make you doubt their credibility? Do you wonder how they're ever going to get the diagnosis right if they can't even communicate why you're visiting?
Many of the attorneys I've interviewed on malpractice suits will tell you poor communication is one of the most frequent reasons doctors get sued. It's true. You can screw up big time, but the reason your clients will hang you out to dry is because you didn't communicate well. And step one of any good communication system is, you guessed it, listening up.
In Kay Lindahl's book, "Practicing the Sacred Art of Listening," she offers up some statistics to mull over. She writes, " Most of us spend about 45 percent of our waking hours listening, yet we are distracted, preoccupied, or forgetful about 75 percent% of that time."
Pathetic.
Communication is critical in any number of jobs. And it's also a vital skill for healthy relationships--from marriage to workplace. How often have you asked a question, only to realize you never listened for the answer? Did you ever walk out of a meeting wondering what was decided--or what you were supposed to do next?
This also applies to e-mail communications. Ever send an e-mail to a business associate with a couple questions and receive the answer to only one of the queries you posed?
Bottom line: We all hate it when we have to repeat ourselves. So I vow today to be a better listener. My three things I'll do for myself today:
1. Practice engaged listening, including making eye contact, nodding, and smiling
2. Wait for others to finish before I start. (In fact, the best tip I've read is to pause for a few seconds to demonstrate you're considering what the other person said.)
3. Concentrate on what the other person is saying instead of formulating my response when they speak.
What will you do for yourself today?
I know, that sounds terribly cheesy. But think how frustrated you get in the doctor's office when you see three or four different people--the receptionist, the nurse's assistant, the nurse, and the doctor--and they all ask you the same questions? Does it make you doubt their credibility? Do you wonder how they're ever going to get the diagnosis right if they can't even communicate why you're visiting?
Many of the attorneys I've interviewed on malpractice suits will tell you poor communication is one of the most frequent reasons doctors get sued. It's true. You can screw up big time, but the reason your clients will hang you out to dry is because you didn't communicate well. And step one of any good communication system is, you guessed it, listening up.
In Kay Lindahl's book, "Practicing the Sacred Art of Listening," she offers up some statistics to mull over. She writes, " Most of us spend about 45 percent of our waking hours listening, yet we are distracted, preoccupied, or forgetful about 75 percent% of that time."
Pathetic.
Communication is critical in any number of jobs. And it's also a vital skill for healthy relationships--from marriage to workplace. How often have you asked a question, only to realize you never listened for the answer? Did you ever walk out of a meeting wondering what was decided--or what you were supposed to do next?
This also applies to e-mail communications. Ever send an e-mail to a business associate with a couple questions and receive the answer to only one of the queries you posed?
Bottom line: We all hate it when we have to repeat ourselves. So I vow today to be a better listener. My three things I'll do for myself today:
1. Practice engaged listening, including making eye contact, nodding, and smiling
2. Wait for others to finish before I start. (In fact, the best tip I've read is to pause for a few seconds to demonstrate you're considering what the other person said.)
3. Concentrate on what the other person is saying instead of formulating my response when they speak.
What will you do for yourself today?
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