The art of regifting

It's tacky. It's a sit-com joke, right? Perhaps sometimes. But every once in a while, regifting isn't so bad.

This Christmas, my dad wants a digital SLR camera. And he's in luck, because I upgraded this year. While it's hard to say goodbye to my first baby, my Nikon D50, it's a shame that she spends so much time collecting dust while I take her older sister out for spins around town.

So this Christmas, my dad's gonna unwrap the same present I did three years ago. And I think he'll be thrilled. It's a much bigger ticket item than we'd normally spend, and I can verify it's been lovingly cared for.

Plus, it's in the truest Christmas spirit: I love this camera still, but I want to share the love. That counts, right?

What do you think? Tasteful or tacky?

Not feeling it

It's one of those days. You know what I'm talking about. Everything's a little off. Too little sleep, too much to do....Yes, yes, I know it's the story of most of our lives seemingly into perpetuity. But there are days when the lists and needy people become overwhelming, which is why we started this site.

So here are the three things I plan to do for myself today:

1. Work on my novel edit. It will only get done if I keep up the momentum
2. Take the dog for a walk
3. Go to bed - and hopefully sleep! - early

What are you doing for yourself today?

Lookin' good is the best revenge

We've had a heck of a few nights around our house recently. Thunderstorms and nightmares have wreaked a little havoc on the natural rhythm of our sleep schedules. And this morning, finally, I gave into the grumpiness. With a full day scheduled ahead of us, I knew I had to do something for myself: stat.

So I grabbed my trusty eyeliner and my hair curler. No, really. I don't think I'm the only one who gets really jazzed when I feel like I'm looking my best. And it really has a way of perking you up.

Consider this: You've heard the oft spread advice about smiling when you don't feel good and how it often has a lifting effect on your spirits. I contend that looking good has similar results. Case in point: I felt like poop, but I didn't want to look like it.

So a new outfit, a little make up and some hair spray, and I turned my frowns to smiles. As my husband says to my son, "Don't let a frown be your umbrella." Instead, reach for the face cream.

Dust and clean

My dirty little secret? I hire a babysitter. Three or four hours a week, in the middle of the day. It's my gotta-make-that-phone-call, serious concentration time.

What always amuses me about the experience is my need to have the house spanking clean before the babysitter arrives. I spend three or four hours sweeping, mopping, sorting, and dusting so I can get three or four hours for myself.

I can't decide what I think about that, but I will say this. It is nice to end the day with a house that just got a face lift.

No, I haven't

Been taking care of myself, that is. Got too busy, and I fell off the list.

Big no-no.

But it's a fresh month, a fresh week. And today, I'm movin on up to a deluxe spot at the top of the to-dos.

My three gifts to myself:

1. Writing time
2. Sunbathing time
3. Reading time

Queen of the house

"Who's Mess" started me thinking ... A man's house is his castle, right? So that makes his wife the ... housekeeper?

Wait, that's not how the fairytale goes. But ask yourself this: When you notice a ring around the bathtub at a friend's house, do you automatically think, 'Wow, her husband's a bad housekeeper?'

Why not?

My husband will tackle any household task, from scrubbing toilets to laundry or cooking. But sometimes life gets busy. And I admit I'm a reluctant housekeeper. I'd much rather be going to the swimming pool and the zoo, writing and editing, eating lunch with friends. But a clean space is the most zen thing. It feels great to slip between clean sheets.

Between me and my husband, we can make an agreement that sometimes the dishes will wait. And I just can't control it if company drops by and thinks, 'Wow, she must be really lazy.' But I can resolve to never be so judgmental of my own friends.

Today, I promise to:
• Fold laundry only if I feel like it
• Do dishes if it strikes my fancy
• Cook if I feel hungry

What the bookstore knows ... and the library doesn't

My son can always find at least five books he wants to take home with him every time we go to the bookstore. Chip off the old block, and I'm proud. I never get out of the bookstore myself without dropping at least $50.

So why doesn't the library elicit the same reaction? Same product, right, only it's free and you can return it as soon as the new wears off?

It's simple. The bookstore is smarter. Our library is very kid friendly. It's got places for kids to color, story times, toy dinosaurs, and puzzles. They put the emphasis everywhere BUT the books. So the result: The kids go there and play. And don't crack a book.

Our bookstore is so different. The books are displayed in splashy, colorful glory. On racks where the kids can reach. With turn styles, on tables, and brilliantly sectioned by age and interest. It's easy to find Dr. Suess or a new book on whales.

Sorry, Dewey Decimal system. You're just not that kid friendly.

The bookstore has to be smarter. Otherwise kids won't sample the crack they're selling. The word stew will never be sampled, and they'll miss out on a lifelong customer.

Wish my library could figure that out.

Do it yourself

I got another add from a company that wants to clean my house today. Sometimes the idea appeals to me. I adore clean work and living spaces, but it's almost impossible to achieve unless I'm constantly running behind my two little mess-making cyclones (read: children).

So what's a girl to do?

Well, there's nothing wrong with cleaning your own toilet. I think it keeps you humble ... in a good way. Do you think Mark Sanford would have had time to run around with his Argentine hottie if he was busy cleaning up his own messes? It's a funny idea.

But on a serious note, my real resistance to hiring a cleaning service—beyond cost—is guilt. A few years ago, I read Nickel and Dimed: On (Not) Getting By in America by Barbara Ehrenreich. The premise is fantastic. Barbara takes a series of minimum wage jobs to demonstrate how people can't survive on minimum wage. One of the jobs she took was with a cleaning service.

And we should all be ashamed. These (mostly) women are hardly more than slaves, just so everyone in America can afford to have someone else wash their floors and wipe their windowsills.

So I say, "No thanks." I'd rather scrub my own floors. It's character building, right? That's what I tell myself. At the very least, it keeps me humble.

The multitasking myth

I once had an employee who had behaviors that very closely resembled a dog my husband owned growing up. The dog, Benji, could get his chain hung up on the tiniest stick in the yard. Once he was hooked, he was helpless. My little assistant was the same way. She just couldn't see how to work to get her tasks finished. If she got stuck on one chore, she might spend the rest of the day howling about it. The end result: She was always running behind and never understood why she failed.

It's not about multitasking. I've never agreed with the premise that you can do several things at once and be awesome at all of them. Think of it this way: How would you feel if you were in the phone with your mom and she was typing an e-mail, cooking dinner, and watching TV while you're trying to explain what you really want to do with your life?

No, I don't think anyone really multitasks effectively. That said, in my effort to organize this month I have been reflecting on simul-tasking. You know, working on several things in a row. Same as multitasking, right? Wrong.

Here's the difference. Working most effectively for me means being able to prioritize tasks on several projects. Mothers everywhere know this drill. Start the water boiling for pasta. Put the baby in her high chair. Thaw the meat. Get a drink for the oldest. Fill the baby's tray with finger foods. Add the pasta. Somewhere in there, you manage to feed two kids and prepare a dinner (probably while doing six or seven other tasks). It's just a matter of taking little steps on each project every day to make it work.

So before I let myself become consumed by any of my tasks, I try to focus on moving all of my projects forward every day. That way I feel like I'm making progress on all fronts—and I don't let my world fall apart anytime a stick crosses my path.

Making the list

Lists are a very important part of my life. When I was little, my mom would carefully print a chores list every Saturday morning. This was our blueprint for the day. And when we were finished ... freedom.

It's a habit I've carried over through my professional and home life. I like seeing everything spelled out in neat print. Somehow it isn't real to me until I've written it down.

What doesn't always make the list, though, is the stuff for me. I forget to write "enjoy a cup of coffee on the patio" next to "drop off the dry cleaning." The grocery shopping makes the list, but reading a good book doesn't.

So sometimes it's fun to go AWOL. Like today. I consumed a book. Read it all. It was delicious. And I didn't touch my list. Time for that tomorrow, right?

Get it together, Part 1

One of the most difficult elements of a home business for me is getting organized. I really LOVE to put my folders together, to label them carefully with assignments, and print out my notes. For me, it's an inescapable part of the process.

I've written before about the importance of a separate work space. It's an idea I'm committed to, but I haven't yet managed to completely follow through. So, for me at least, this July is my "Get Organized" month. With five projects in the works right now--and the promise of more any day--it's really crunch time. No way I'm gonna survive if I don't do this, like, now.

Here's what I'm doing to get started:

1. Planning regular babysitting time for 2-3 hours at least once a week.
2. Setting daily goals--just as I did when I worked in an office full-time.
3. Recycling the leftovers from completed assignments to star fresh.

Want to try it with me?

Listen up!

My 3-year-old is not a good listener. it often takes two or three statements to elicit any response. And it can be frustrating. Partly it's his age, but we're also aware of the importance of teaching him to be a good listener. Because it's more than just manners. It's a life skill.

I know, that sounds terribly cheesy. But think how frustrated you get in the doctor's office when you see three or four different people--the receptionist, the nurse's assistant, the nurse, and the doctor--and they all ask you the same questions? Does it make you doubt their credibility? Do you wonder how they're ever going to get the diagnosis right if they can't even communicate why you're visiting?

Many of the attorneys I've interviewed on malpractice suits will tell you poor communication is one of the most frequent reasons doctors get sued. It's true. You can screw up big time, but the reason your clients will hang you out to dry is because you didn't communicate well. And step one of any good communication system is, you guessed it, listening up.

In Kay Lindahl's book, "Practicing the Sacred Art of Listening," she offers up some statistics to mull over. She writes, " Most of us spend about 45 percent of our waking hours listening, yet we are distracted, preoccupied, or forgetful about 75 percent% of that time."

Pathetic.

Communication is critical in any number of jobs. And it's also a vital skill for healthy relationships--from marriage to workplace. How often have you asked a question, only to realize you never listened for the answer? Did you ever walk out of a meeting wondering what was decided--or what you were supposed to do next?

This also applies to e-mail communications. Ever send an e-mail to a business associate with a couple questions and receive the answer to only one of the queries you posed?

Bottom line: We all hate it when we have to repeat ourselves. So I vow today to be a better listener. My three things I'll do for myself today:

1. Practice engaged listening, including making eye contact, nodding, and smiling
2. Wait for others to finish before I start. (In fact, the best tip I've read is to pause for a few seconds to demonstrate you're considering what the other person said.)
3. Concentrate on what the other person is saying instead of formulating my response when they speak.

What will you do for yourself today?

Working at home rules

You see the signs everywhere. Plastered along the roadside, taped to light poles, and even on cars. "Work at home." Sounds great, doesn't it? Perhaps.

It's definitely a great opportunity if you can find something you love doing and do it from home ... if it helps you create a better life balance. As a freelancer, I have more control over the assignments I take, and I choose my own work hours. But there is a downside. A big one.

First, consider you're never really out of the office. I haven't taken a vacation in a year where I wasn't working on something for a client in from some exotic locale. This means I'm breaking even with my office position, because I was never able to completely separate myself from the business, even when I was away.

You're also subject to the whim of fate. Clients fall on rough times. Advertising dollars drop. People stop buying the widgets you're paid to develop. In the corporate world, you might end up laid off. In the freelance business, the phone stops ringing.

But I think one of the biggest challenges is simply creating the structure to make your at-home business work. Do you need to keep regular, if shortened, business hours by the phone? Have to planned a certain amount of time each week that will be your work time without outside responsibilities (watching kids, cleaning house, etc.)? Is there someone else in the family who brings in a steady paycheck (and health insurance) to keep the finances steady? (This isn't necessary, but it does offer more stability.)

I think you have to be more organized, more dedicated, and possess a spirit of planning to make working at home work for you. After all, there are a lot more distractions when you're working from your nest. And there are many advantages that make it worthwhile if you can commit yourself. On the good days, I think there's nothing else in life I'd rather be doing.

One final note: I know some people who work for a company from home on one or more days a week. This is also a great opportunity, but I still think you must follow the rules and keep a separate work space from the hubbub of the household.

Today, I'm going to offer myself these three gifts:
1. Create a dedicated work space
2. Work in some "me" time
3. Plan 30 minutes to evaluate my business goals

What will you do for yourself today?

Required reading

For the last few years, my friends have been pressuring me to join a book club. And I've consistently resisted, not because I don't enjoy books—or the company of my friends. But the idea that I would have the free time to read and keep up with the club seemed somehow laughable, as I had a full-time job, a young son, and was expecting a second child.

This is a great irony for me, as I've always been a voracious reader. Have you ever watched the TV show Intervention? If I ever required one it would definitely be for reading books. In junior high, I had a book-a-day habit. Not surprisingly, my reading time has significantly fallen off since having kids. What's a girl to do?

Enter technology. I can now read a book on my iPod ... Or even have one read to me. I've fallen hard for the audio book. I listen all the time. While I'm doing dishes, folding laundry, or even driving. And this makes me a much happier person.

It's these simple solutions that can totally change our perspective. Having time to read—and a chance to celebrate it with friends—definitely makes me a better wife and mom. And maybe even a better friend!

Do you have tips or tricks to find time to enjoy your favorite hobbies? We'd love to hear them!

Kiss and makeup

Our house is a little busy right now. My infant is mobile and my 3 year old never slows down. so it can be difficult to find time for a potty break, let alone a moment for things like doing my hair and makeup.

My solution? It's silly, but I do most of my grooming sitting in the living room floor. My daughter loves to play with my soft makeup brushes, and my son is intrigued by the sponge I use to remove my makeup. (He calls it SpongeBob.)

It's these little things that make our day run more smoothly. I'm no parenting expert, but there's one thing I find that consistently works. It's the get closer principle. My kids don't always need my full attention, although I try to give it often. But sometimes it's enough just to be right there. Sitting next to the baby when she plays with toys. Editing at the table while my son creates with Play Doh. Reading next to the tub as they splash each other in the bath.

Sometimes it's enough to just be present and available. I miss fewer special moments this way, but it also gives me a chance to do things for myself. And I can always jump in their games when their cuteness sucks me in.

Rescue me

Sometimes we all need a little help. Recently, we've been working on sleep training our infant. The combination of a few rocky nights, an active 3 year old, and a hearty round of freelance assignments have been enough to slay me.

I sent out a distress call. My husband answered. After a couple hours of rest, the world was a different place. Thanks, honey.

I'm slow to ask for help. My friends and family have often describe me as independent and driven. These aren't bad things, but they must be tempered with the ability to accept help when we need it.

I remember once reading that many of our flaws are good attributes taken too far. I believe this. That's why today I'm going to give myself these gifts:

1. Ask for help
2. Ignore my to-do list
3. Slow down

What will you do for yourself today?


-- Post From My iPhone

Jon and Kate plus hate

If you've been out in the world at all the last few months, you've heard all of the lurid details of a couple's marriage after having twins and sextuplets. I've only caught an episode or two of their show, John and Kate Plus Eight, but the tension on the marriage has been apparent for a while to any casual observer of human nature.

The news broke tonight that the couple is separating. OK, fine. But, to quote basketball legend Roy Williams, it's really all about the kids.

A solid, happy marriage makes it much easier to parent--whether you have two kids or twenty. Marriages end for a number of reasons, but my heart hurts for Jon, Kate, and their eight children who now have the addition of even more challenges facing them.

No one can judge their personal lives, although the grisley headlines have certainly called into question every lurid detail of this couple's motives and decisions. But, in my novice perspective, I see at least one reason the couple struggled so.

Please don't take me at my word. Only Jon and Kate and really identify the reason their marriage failed. But I can say, from personal experience, a marriage needs attention to continue to thrive. Your love needs to be fed, and the best diet is love and affection. So if there's any gift you can give yourself, make sure it includes time to focus on yourself and your spouse. The greatest gift you can bestow upon your children is a happy, stable home life, whether you achieve that through marriage or separation. And I believe both are possible, if they're done in love.

Day breaks

There's something beautiful about the short trip. I'm a homebody by nature, and I'm perfectly content to take most of my trips curled up on the couch as I read a book. But every now and then, a day trip is in order.

It doesn't have to be elaborate. I get just as much joy out of a jaunt to the bookstore and a drop by the coffee shop. But it does wonders for my perspective.

My gifts to myself today:
1. A day trip with my kids
2. A chance to daydream on the patio with a glass of wine
3. A pedicure

What three things will you do for yourself today?

Hooray for dads!

He soothes the baby back to sleep. He groggily makes cereal for our oldest when he pads out of bed at his early riser wake up time. He changes diapers, comforts, disciplines, and gives great hugs.

Being a dad is hard work.

So today, I'm giving three gifts to my husband.

1. A chance to sleep in
2. Some time for him
3. A quiet dinner for two after the kids go to bed

What are your gifts today?

Dear angry movie theater lady ...

This weekend my husband and I went to the movies. As we were buying tickets, we watched a woman storm up to the ticket window and berate the young woman working at the counter because the youth had forgotten to give the angry woman her ticket stubs.

"Can't you get anything right? It's not that hard," she screamed in front of an audience of waiting patrons.

My first thought was, "Wow, what a mean person." But I know that's not right. The woman—we'll call her Short Stack—behaved badly. And yes, she acted mean. But there's no way she was that mad because the youth working the counter forgot to hand her the ticket stubs.

So what was bothering her? I don't know. But I've heard similar stories before. A co-worker who is always short tempered later reveals she's suffering through marital problems or experiencing a difficult pregnancy. A boss who's so distracted he can't seem to remember his own name confesses he's trying to plan hospice care for a dying parent.

Perhaps Short Stack was going to the movies to forget something painful she's dealing with in her own life. Does that make her behavior acceptable? Absolutely not. But in the midst of doing something for herself—taking a time out to go to the movies—she forgot why she was there. To take care of herself. And that's all good, just as long as you don't trod on others in the process.

To quote Short Stack, "It's not that hard." So what gifts are you going to give yourself today? Here are mine:

1. Girl talk with a girlfriend
2. A special dinner with my spouse
3. Time to write