What matters most

Warning: Rant in progress

When I was a kid, there was a family down the block from us with children close to my age. They seemed like the perfect family: two parents, two kids, a girl and a boy. My brother and I used to play with the kids, although I can't recall their names anymore. They're one of the many things that have vanished from my mind with the passage of time.

One thing I do remember, though, is how their family fell apart.

This seemingly normal family collapsed so suddenly it was shocking. The mother decided she'd married and had children to young, and left to "find herself."

First off, I feel like there was a period in the late 80's where this happened a lot. I'm not sure if that's just an impression I hold because of this family or whether it was a trend to leave your family.

But as an adult, I can't help finding myself condemning that woman. If she needed to leave her marriage, then I support her. But to leave your children—in my opinion, unconscionable. Because those children didn't ask for their mother to have children before she was ready. They weren't clambering at her conscious before—or apparently, even after—their birth.

Dads often get the bad rap for ditching a family. Worse is when they leave their families and start new ones, abandoning their children as if they were the leftover sofa that no one wanted to claim after the divorce. But woman can be just as guilty of this.

No one could ever know what they're getting into when they have children. The lifelong commitment, the love, the responsibility. And anyone who enters into the state too lightly deserves a good old fashioned wake-up call: It's not about you anymore.

/rant

Jon and Kate plus hate

If you've been out in the world at all the last few months, you've heard all of the lurid details of a couple's marriage after having twins and sextuplets. I've only caught an episode or two of their show, John and Kate Plus Eight, but the tension on the marriage has been apparent for a while to any casual observer of human nature.

The news broke tonight that the couple is separating. OK, fine. But, to quote basketball legend Roy Williams, it's really all about the kids.

A solid, happy marriage makes it much easier to parent--whether you have two kids or twenty. Marriages end for a number of reasons, but my heart hurts for Jon, Kate, and their eight children who now have the addition of even more challenges facing them.

No one can judge their personal lives, although the grisley headlines have certainly called into question every lurid detail of this couple's motives and decisions. But, in my novice perspective, I see at least one reason the couple struggled so.

Please don't take me at my word. Only Jon and Kate and really identify the reason their marriage failed. But I can say, from personal experience, a marriage needs attention to continue to thrive. Your love needs to be fed, and the best diet is love and affection. So if there's any gift you can give yourself, make sure it includes time to focus on yourself and your spouse. The greatest gift you can bestow upon your children is a happy, stable home life, whether you achieve that through marriage or separation. And I believe both are possible, if they're done in love.