Surround yourself with supporters

Not everyone you meet is good for you.

And some people start out good but have a wasting effect on your self-esteem, your goals, and your morale. Sometimes they're hard to identify. I've worked with people who make great friends but horrible partners. Here's a simple test to identify your unhealthy influences:

1. Do you feel better or worse after seeing or talking to that person?

2. Do you trust her to be supportive and truthful?

3. Do you feel you can share openly with your friend or does she demand the spotlight?

4. Would you go out of your way to see this person, or do you duck her in the supermarket?

I think we spend too much time caring about what other people think. But when we choose to care, shouldn't we value the opinions of the people we like and respect most?

Working at home rules

You see the signs everywhere. Plastered along the roadside, taped to light poles, and even on cars. "Work at home." Sounds great, doesn't it? Perhaps.

It's definitely a great opportunity if you can find something you love doing and do it from home ... if it helps you create a better life balance. As a freelancer, I have more control over the assignments I take, and I choose my own work hours. But there is a downside. A big one.

First, consider you're never really out of the office. I haven't taken a vacation in a year where I wasn't working on something for a client in from some exotic locale. This means I'm breaking even with my office position, because I was never able to completely separate myself from the business, even when I was away.

You're also subject to the whim of fate. Clients fall on rough times. Advertising dollars drop. People stop buying the widgets you're paid to develop. In the corporate world, you might end up laid off. In the freelance business, the phone stops ringing.

But I think one of the biggest challenges is simply creating the structure to make your at-home business work. Do you need to keep regular, if shortened, business hours by the phone? Have to planned a certain amount of time each week that will be your work time without outside responsibilities (watching kids, cleaning house, etc.)? Is there someone else in the family who brings in a steady paycheck (and health insurance) to keep the finances steady? (This isn't necessary, but it does offer more stability.)

I think you have to be more organized, more dedicated, and possess a spirit of planning to make working at home work for you. After all, there are a lot more distractions when you're working from your nest. And there are many advantages that make it worthwhile if you can commit yourself. On the good days, I think there's nothing else in life I'd rather be doing.

One final note: I know some people who work for a company from home on one or more days a week. This is also a great opportunity, but I still think you must follow the rules and keep a separate work space from the hubbub of the household.

Today, I'm going to offer myself these three gifts:
1. Create a dedicated work space
2. Work in some "me" time
3. Plan 30 minutes to evaluate my business goals

What will you do for yourself today?

20 winks

When is the last time you got 8 hours of sleep? What about 10? I think a full night's sleep is one of the nicest gifts we can give ourselves. But how many of us really do it?

I'm guilty. Guilty of staying up late to watch one more show or read one more chapter. I tell myself I need the adult time after the kids go to bed. I need to focus on me for a few minutes. And that's true.

Enter thunderstorms. Or nightmares. Or a teething baby. It's a formula for midnight wakeups and hourly disturbances that keep your sleep fitful all night long.

Admittedly, there are some events you don't control. If you're traveling, if you have a sleep disorder, or if there's a newborn in the house, you're probably not choosing to lose sleep.

But what about the rest of us? Are we expecting too much? Are we trying to do just one more thing, or have we overcommitted ourselves so much we've sacrificed our restful hours?

There are lots of studies on sleep. Some say your memory is better after a full night's rest. Other studies show your immune system is weakened when you don't get enough sleep. I see the physical proof in the mirror every morning. When I log a solid eight snoozing, my skin looks healthier. My eyes are brighter. I don't just look better. I feel better.

So why are we denying ourselves this simple gift?

My three gifts to myself today:

1. An early bedtime

2. 10 quiet minutes of restful thought

3. 20 minutes of yoga

What are yours?

Airing my dirty laundry

Yes, I hide my laundry. And if you've ever been to my house, you're part of the conspiracy. I graciously tuck all of my unmentionables out of sight and you pretend not to notice the cobwebs, the bulging doors, and the hastily stacked mail on the end table.

The problem is, I'm not willing to give up one of my projects to do housework.

When I first imagined staying home with the kids, it was going to be so much easier. Sure, we'd always have fresh laundry because I'd be home to do it. I didn't count on an active three year old and an infant who spends so much time on my hip she thinks she's attached. (Pause to pick something out of the baby's mouth.)

So OK. I resolve today to stop worrying about it. And if you don't mind my mess, I won't mind yours either.

My three things I'm going to do for myself today:

1. Lunch with a friend

2. A coffee drink

3. 10 quiet minutes to daydream

What about you? Do you have any resolutions? And what three things will you do for yourself today?

For fun

Here are three things you can do for yourself with your kids:

- Paint your toenails. If you have a boy, try clear nail polish. He'll enjoy being included and it protects his toenails from cracking, especially in summer sandal weather.

- Facials. Opt for the peel off kind. Your kids will have fun peeling off your "skin."

- Bubble bath. If your tub's big enough everyone can hop in. On a smaller scale, you can all soak your feet.

What do you do to reward yourself?


-- Post From My iPhone

Three things for you

I've got a fierce mocha latte habit. Every morning, the craving starts as soon as the light filters through the blinds in my bedroom. In fact, sometimes the scheming begins the night before. What errands can I rearrange to swing by the coffee shop?

Yes, I've been a sucker for stopping by certain grocery stores because they feature coffee bars. My husband will tell you it's an addiction to the bean. But it's really much more, though it took me while to realize it. Sometimes that swing by the coffee shop is the one thing I do for myself all day.

In between diapers, feedings, cooking, cleaning, laundry, grocery shopping, and freelance gigs, it's easy to lose yourself. That's when the resentment creeps in. Not far behind is a sense of hopelessness. And finally, anger. Yes. Anger.

Why are the kids so demanding? Why can't the spouse get home earlier, and why doesn't he understand I need him to take over the kids so I can finish the 16 chores I started in the midst of all of the chaos of the day? There's a simple answer. Too often we don't ask. And we get so busy giving, we don't give to ourselves.

Ladies, let's face it. Whether you work inside or outside the home, work doesn't stop at 5 p.m. And there's always one more thing.

Today, make sure that one more thing you do is for YOU. That's why I'm making a commitment to three for me. That's three things I'll do every day just for me.

My daily three for me:

1. Paint my toenails.

2. Enjoy a cup of tea.

3. Read for 15 minutes.

Will you take the three for me pledge?