Two incomes just to pay for preschoolers' actitivies?!

Seriously, that's ridiculous. I live in a pretty expensive place. Coming from cheap ol' Texas, the cost of everything from groceries to dance class was shocking. I mean, blow my mind shocking.

It's no wonder most families need dual incomes. How can you afford $500- plus per month on preschool? Oh, and that's just until 1 p.m., thank you very much. Back in Texas, my daughter was in a three-day program, 8:30 a.m. until 2:30 p.m., with an additional dance class for $180 a month. That was affordable. Parents knew their children were in a safe, wholesome environment, learning social skills while mom (or dad) could grocery shop and go to the doctor before pick-up time. The schools here are all fabulous (so the literature says). But I understand why more parents are opting for the school-run 3-hour, four-day-a-week option. That's free and it's worth the hassle of running through the grocery store when you can save thousands of dollars per year. Just forget any mom-only time. That luxury is too expensive. And what about those parents who work as garbage collectors or janitors? We need those services desperately. Yet, we don't pay many of those workers a wage high enough to afford one extracurricular for their kids. Talk about a gap between the haves and have-nots.

My sister-in-law just moved from - you guessed it- Texas to Washington state. Her son's preschool is hundreds of dollars a month for two-and-a-half hours twice a week. What happened to Mother's Day Out? You remember that from when you were a kid? Your mom dropped you off for a few hours with a bunch of snotty, mean-spirited kids so that she could run to the bank, get a hair cut, try to exercise and all those other adult things without a whiny kid clinging to her leg? What happened to that option?

Unless you've already mapped out little Jimmy's course from that exclusive preschool to (insert Ivy League school name here), you don't want to go into debt for socializing out kids. Or quit putting money into a retirement fund. Can't there be an option in the middle?

Car buyin blues

I never thought I'd drive a minivan. I have two kids, so my car seems plenty big. Except it's not.

It's silly little stuff. Going to dinner with our parents. Taking Grandma to dinner. Watching a friend's kid for a day.

Too often I feel like people are living super-sized. Everyone has the 8-seater minivan, the five-bedroom three-bath McMansion, and the Suburban on the side for weekends at the lake. And I wonder: How did our parents all manage with regular cars and regular houses? You know, the little three-bedroom ranches with only two bathrooms? Heck, most of the time when I was growing up we only had one.

So I'm reluctantly treading the line. I'm looking at a six-seat crossover that's friendlier on the environment.

But I still wonder. Do I really need it?

What is my role?

Do any of you wonder that from time to time? How are you, the mother, wife or professional women supposed to interact with your family? I've been thinking about this quite a bit over the past few months.

If you have children, your career choice may be more muddled. Bills for groceries, mortgages, insurance, dance, soccer, piano lessons or gymnastics must be paid. Therefore, money must be earned. Yet, at the same time, someone must be available to pick up children at prescribed times, make dinner, walk the dog. If your part of a two-partner system, it's easier to divvy up the work. If you're single, you get sole ownership. I did this for two months when my husband took a new job. I have complete and utter respect for single parents.

While talking to other moms, the most common thread in our discussions is our ability to do nothing well. I think we are much too hard on ourselves. It's not easy to work and be the primary caregiver to our kids. More fathers are stepping into this main parenting role, which may teach moms how to relax enough to enjoy moments as it comes. Too often, though, I see women (yes, including me) who want to do it all -- have the successful career, spend hours of quality, educational time with our kids, cook from scratch every night and have a loving, supportive relationship with our spouse. Martha Stewart couldn't do it. So why should I put that much pressure on myself?

I've a new plan to ease some of my supermom angst. Each day I will:
1. Write down three things I accomplished.
2. Spend at least two hours with my kids. Focused on their needs.
3. Talk to my husband or a friend about concerns so they don't become overwhelming.

How will you take care of yourself today?

Salt it up

Convenience foods. Sounds friendly, doesn't it?

Boy have I had an education.

When I was preggers, I was a big label reader. No MSG, nitrates, nitrites. My friends still tease me about it. "We always know when you're pregnant, because you give up coffee."

I thought I was pretty good, until I decided it was time to regulate the sodium in our diet. And found salt, well, everywhere.

The fact: Salt is what they add to everything to give it flavor. Forget those "fancy" ingredients, like onions, garlic, and oregano. Just add more salt.

Is it any wonder that more than half of Americans consume more than the recommended daily allowance?

At least I know our kids won't grow up with the same salt addiction. Here at the kitchen of stately Stewart manor, it's made fresh daily, no preservatives, thank you very much.

Break ins

As the economy has worsened, I hear reports of increased burglaries in my area. Petty theft is fueled in part by desperation - people need to eat, after all - and by opportunity. Here's what you need to know about break ins.

Most burglaries take place during the day. Think about it. Who's home to stop someone from coming in and helping themselves to your electronics, jewelry, cash and whatever else is easy to nab. That's why so many people have home security systems. But, on average, it takes five minutes for police to respond to an alarm. It takes burglars about three minutes to clear you out. A dog that stays out in the backyard may not be much help either because the majority of criminals use your front door or first story window.

One of the best defenses is joining your neighborhood watch. Having someone in your community - preferably in sight of your house - keeping an eye on the comings and goings is a great deterrent to any would-be criminal. Always keep your doors and windows locked. That sounds so ridiculously obvious, but some people never bother with locks. If you have a dog that's well enough behaved, you may want to leave them in the house or with the option to come in and out through a doggy door. According to the local police department, dogs were a major deterrent because of their unpredictability.

I know most of you won't ever have a problem with a break in, but considering burglaries account for nearly 2/3 of all U.S. crimes, this is one time its definitely worth taking some precautions.

What is normal?

We've all seen it. The fit. Nearly every child in the world has pitched at least one. My oldest child still has them from time to time. The last one was Monday during school. The teacher and other students were taken aback and I was both embarrassed and disappointed. No one wants to be the parent of the naughty kid. But what do you do when your child cannot remain in control?

This is an issue I've struggled with for the past five years. My child is amazingly smart. In kindergarten, she read on a fourth-grade level and could skip-count by 17s (something she came up with to entertain herself in the car). But emotionally, she is not as advanced. She may even be behind. She's also extremely sensitive. And the results are occasionally painful. For both of us.

I've learned to discuss this problem with her teachers, coaches and friends' parents immediately. I've started a list of coping mechanisms that work - at least some of the time. But these managing techniques don't allow me to help her overcome this shortcoming.

Life's already hard, but dealing with one's child - one's possibly not "normal" child - is so much more difficult. I hope you'll share your stories. This is something we can work on and through together, as a community. Because no one's "normal" all the time. Just ask a statistician.

A writing moment

I haven't been doing enough for myself recently. Family funeral, birthdays, sick kid, and we're all running a little ragged. So in the quiet times I've been picking up some popular books to try to bottle the elements that make them successful.

My theory: If it's published, there must be something you can learn from it. Some of my current reading choices in fiction include The Time Traveler's Wife and Wuthering Heights. So beautifully written it's stunning. I'm also reading a bestselling young adult series out of curiosity.

Confession time. I've seen interviews with this author ... we'll call her Jane. Jane's written four books in a bestselling series. And she irritated me from the first moment I saw her on TV. "I had a really vivid dream and spent the next three months writing my story," she said. After a mere 15 queries, she was represented. Now her series has garnered movie rights, merchandising. Complete saturation. She was portrayed as your average housewife who just got a good idea and wrote it down. Really? That easy?

Not quite true. In reality, Jane has a degree in English Literature. So, at the very least, we know she's well read. And she's probably done a fair amount of writing, too.

Now I don't want to be a hater. But I will admit, I haven't found the stories to be well written. They break a lot of rules ... and not in a way that makes them better stories. Dream sequences, waking to alarms, pages of dullness as the main character does homework and chores. Large spaces of time where nothing happens.

But these are bestsellers, man! And the answer is in what Jane does well. Accessibility. First, her young readers want an easy read with characters they can relate to. Check. The main character is your average girl ... just like them. Check. And in between her normal teenage problems she has amazing adventures with an absolutely perfect boyfriend.

Writers write because they dream. So Jane is right. Sometimes our more primitive dreams make the best stories. So I'm going to finish reading these books in the spirit they were written. Not to admire the language and the craft, but to be immersed in the dream.