The Balancing Act

Why is it so hard? Kids, husband, dog, activities, work, cooking, cleaning...the list is endless.

Many books have been written about it. Many experts have pontificated. Yet I don't feel any closer to figuring it all out now than I did before I read everything on the subject.

I think the problem is that, as a society, we've created this impossible belief that women can be full-time mothers, sexy and understanding wives, and smart, capable individuals. Indeed, we can be all these things. Just not at the exact same time.

I'd really like to have a discussion about being an individual; what's important to me may not be to you. That's OK. In fact, that's good. As long as we all agree that we want to raise our kids right and we want to have a strong family, then how we get there is moot.

Right?

We also need to cut ourselves some slack. I mean both moms AND dads. Dads are doing so much more with their kids, so much more around the house and still working full time. They are giving a lot to the relationship. We need to remember that.

We also need to remember that it's OK to not want to be a full time professional, or a full time mother or not be able to seamlessly blend the work-at-home thing. You know what? Kids - especially young, needy kids - make working from home hard. When they are fussy, they make both parents' edgy. And usually kids aren't the neatest roommates.

Balancing family with careers is a trick. Some people do it extremely well - with grace and dignity. I am not one of those people. I find it messy, frustrating and sometimes downright awful. But I wouldn't give up my family and I NEED the adult outlet. So I better get better at balancing.

What can sex do for you?

According to this CNN article, quite a lot. Be calmer and look younger. Reduce heart disease! Part of me thinks it's simply men reporting to get mire sex. But then I think if I start sleeping more, drinking a small glass of red wine, eating one ounce of dark chocolate and having sex three times a week...well, maybe I would feel better. If only I weren't too tired to try.

Those $#%! hormones!

We did it. We had another baby. That's three - three for me! But my hormones this go-round were out of control.
The worst part for me was the tiredness, which led to depression. I've never been depressed before, and I have to admit that I was scared. Those feelings can be completely overwhelming.

I wondered if anyone of you had this problem. Are you willing to share you stories?

Yahoo article on medical overtreatment

I can't say that I was shocked by the numbers in this article. What does leave me aghast is the fact that so many people are undergoing painful treatments that do not prolong life but incur incredibly large debts. I can't say how I'd react in this situation: I think I'd want to explore every option to save my husband and kids, but would I want them to do the same for me? I can't be so sure. I don't like the idea of leaving my family with massive debt. And I probably want to have some peace and comfort in my last days on earth -- to spend with those I love.

Articles like these shows the need for better education. If Americans were well-versed on their choices I think the ratios listed might be very different.

Mental health

Having children is a huge physiological step for most parents. Not only does a woman's body change to accommodate the baby, parents need to prepare for the mental challenges of kids. And they can be daunting: with every child you are adding a new personality to the family. An unknown personality that needs constant attention and love (as will any other children you currently have).

But there really isn't much written about parents' prenatal mental health. If you consider Planned Parenthood's numbers that up to half of all pregnancies in the United States are not planned, well, is it any wonder that the soon-to-be-parents are not mentally prepared for the upcoming challenges? This is an area where we need more research and more resources. If moms- and dads-to-be are not mentally healthy at the time of their child's birth, then how can we expect the new family to get off to the best start possible?

Summer time blues

It's started. The kids have been home all of a few days, and today they plaintively wailed, "I'm bored!"

My retort was, "Who can change that?"

Perhaps it wasn't the most sympathetic answer, but I do believe my kids need to take more responsibility for their time and actions. I know they can't drive themselves to the pool, but they can play with one of the gagillion toys they HAD to have. Or they can read a book, play in the sand box, on the play structure, draw, color, make a collage...you get my point. There's always something they could be doing; they just expect me to make it more entertaining.

But I was on deadline. I literally had to finish my project. It's a combustible combination. I get stressed, they get annoyed, and all hell breaks loose. But it doesn't have to be that way. Which is why I sent them outside to play. The connection with nature is imperative to both their mental and physical health. Of course it'll only last about another 15 minutes, but that's more than enough time to finish this blog post.

Now if I could just get to the vacuuming....

Frankly, Scarlett, I don't give a damn.

I've been saying something to that effect now for the past few months. Not because I don't actually care. I do. Really. I simply don't have the energy to continue.

Ever been there? Portia's last column was on sleep - or the lack thereof. That's been one of the problems. When you don't sleep well - at all - everything else seems to be in a haze. And it's hard to care about fog.

Still, relationships need to be maintained. The only other alternative is to let them collapse. Because I happen to love my children, I don't want that to happen. So it's time to start making an effort. Big time.