As I was thinking about the post, "Surround Yourself With Supporters," I couldn't help remembering it's more than making sure you surround yourself with those who care about you and support you. It's about being that person to others.
That's been one of my primary goals for this blog: to create a place for women to support each other. Because we're all perfectionists. We're all doing too much, taking on one thing too many, and picturing everyone else doing it so much better.
So I'm going to make an effort to remember the special women in my life every day.
These are the women in my family, who share their love and concern about my marriage and my family; the women in my book club, who are friends, colleagues, and fellow readers; the women in my writer's group, who are writers, wives, and mothers; and the mothers of my children's friends, who work to be teachers and supporters every day.
Today, my goal is to be the woman others want in their lives.
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Surround yourself with supporters
Not everyone you meet is good for you.
And some people start out good but have a wasting effect on your self-esteem, your goals, and your morale. Sometimes they're hard to identify. I've worked with people who make great friends but horrible partners. Here's a simple test to identify your unhealthy influences:
1. Do you feel better or worse after seeing or talking to that person?
2. Do you trust her to be supportive and truthful?
3. Do you feel you can share openly with your friend or does she demand the spotlight?
4. Would you go out of your way to see this person, or do you duck her in the supermarket?
I think we spend too much time caring about what other people think. But when we choose to care, shouldn't we value the opinions of the people we like and respect most?
And some people start out good but have a wasting effect on your self-esteem, your goals, and your morale. Sometimes they're hard to identify. I've worked with people who make great friends but horrible partners. Here's a simple test to identify your unhealthy influences:
1. Do you feel better or worse after seeing or talking to that person?
2. Do you trust her to be supportive and truthful?
3. Do you feel you can share openly with your friend or does she demand the spotlight?
4. Would you go out of your way to see this person, or do you duck her in the supermarket?
I think we spend too much time caring about what other people think. But when we choose to care, shouldn't we value the opinions of the people we like and respect most?
The reluctant bookclubber
It took my friends more than two years to coax me into book club.
It's not that I don't enjoy books, wine, and company. I just don't like someone else telling me what to read.
Well, after about six months of honest bookclubbing, I have to admit it's not so bad. No, I don't always get to read my top picks, but I've read some pretty interesting stuff.
And aren't we always telling our children to try new things?
My three gifts to myself today:
1. Start my book club book
2. Take some writing time
3. Introduce my children to something new
It's not that I don't enjoy books, wine, and company. I just don't like someone else telling me what to read.
Well, after about six months of honest bookclubbing, I have to admit it's not so bad. No, I don't always get to read my top picks, but I've read some pretty interesting stuff.
And aren't we always telling our children to try new things?
My three gifts to myself today:
1. Start my book club book
2. Take some writing time
3. Introduce my children to something new
Waiting by the phone
Over the past couple of weeks, I made a real push as a freelancer. I've sent out at least a dozen pitches to new, existing and previous clients, trying to entice them to run an article on my ideas. There's a high that comes with a well-turned phrase; the hope - shimmying up my spine - that soon, soon the editor will call.
Then reality sets in.
It's turnover week. Magazine's have slashed their budgets in the hope of holding on to the "recovery" scheduled for 2010. There are more freelancers and less staffer; more freelancers and less outlets. This is not the ideal time to be looking for new clients.
So I work on the projects I have and find myself checking my email way, way too often. Like I did when I was 16 and I hoped a certain boy would ask me to prom. That didn't happen. I was crushed. And I did not like the boy who ended up as my prom date.
I just hope I have better luck with the editors.
Then reality sets in.
It's turnover week. Magazine's have slashed their budgets in the hope of holding on to the "recovery" scheduled for 2010. There are more freelancers and less staffer; more freelancers and less outlets. This is not the ideal time to be looking for new clients.
So I work on the projects I have and find myself checking my email way, way too often. Like I did when I was 16 and I hoped a certain boy would ask me to prom. That didn't happen. I was crushed. And I did not like the boy who ended up as my prom date.
I just hope I have better luck with the editors.
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
Ill x 2 = BIG headache
In less than a week, I've had three sick days. Ouch. Today they are both home with some new bug. My kids' immune systems are on the fritz and I'm getting less and less done on...well, anything. This is one of the joys of school-age kids. They need to build up immunity to all the viruses, bacteria and other nasty too-small-to-be-seen parasites that live in their schools. I get that. I do.
But I never got that I was going to have to get a second degree in medicine to raise kids. I feel like I'm a trauma nurse who only ever took basic biology. Talk about a major handicap. Sore throat? No, well, I think that's good...Fever, yes, that's OK as long as it's not too high.... And then there are the persistent coughs and off-and-on tummy aches. When does that require more than bed rest and fluids?
But I never got that I was going to have to get a second degree in medicine to raise kids. I feel like I'm a trauma nurse who only ever took basic biology. Talk about a major handicap. Sore throat? No, well, I think that's good...Fever, yes, that's OK as long as it's not too high.... And then there are the persistent coughs and off-and-on tummy aches. When does that require more than bed rest and fluids?
Monday, September 28, 2009
What are they learning?
My son loves school. And he's lucky to go to a great preschool with the best record in our area. It's close to our house, affordable, and his teachers are often elementary school teachers who choose to work part time to be around for their own children.
What I'm not so crazy about: the culture. When my son attended day care full time at the federal building where my husband works, he had friends from almost every culture and economic background. At his current school, it's so homogenous most the parents live within blocks of each other and even own the same brand of minivan.
Another reminder came today in the mail: an invitation to a designer birthday party. For a five year old. It's all a little crazy. And I worry about the other signs he'll see from these peers in the future. What will he say when we ask him to share a clunker car with his sister while his friends drive newer, fancier cars? Will he expect a cell phone and other status symbols?
I'm proud of the modest upbringing my parents provided. And certainly I had many more advantages than my own parents did growing up. My husband and I feel lucky to pass on even better opportunities to our children. But when's enough, enough?
What I'm not so crazy about: the culture. When my son attended day care full time at the federal building where my husband works, he had friends from almost every culture and economic background. At his current school, it's so homogenous most the parents live within blocks of each other and even own the same brand of minivan.
Another reminder came today in the mail: an invitation to a designer birthday party. For a five year old. It's all a little crazy. And I worry about the other signs he'll see from these peers in the future. What will he say when we ask him to share a clunker car with his sister while his friends drive newer, fancier cars? Will he expect a cell phone and other status symbols?
I'm proud of the modest upbringing my parents provided. And certainly I had many more advantages than my own parents did growing up. My husband and I feel lucky to pass on even better opportunities to our children. But when's enough, enough?
Health care woes
Protecting our families. This is what we all want out of health care. Someone gets sick, injured or worse, it's OK because we have insurance. Right? Not so fast.
The current way our health care system is set up, an insurance company has to get the claim before it decides whether or not to pay it. Got a kid who needs two well visits in a year so that you can discuss some growth issues with the pediatrician? Too bad, insurance only covers one. Flouride treatments for your teeth -- well, we only cover one per year according to our new policy that you can find online at this obscure web address. Then the companies seem so surprised that we're frustrated, that we're demanding improvements.
From their standpoint, things are pretty rosy. Aetna made over $1 billion in profit last year. Profit, not revenue. But you and I are paying ever-higher insurance premiums - doesn't that mean we should have coverage since we're paying into the system every month? - that cover less and less.
We need reform. Period. We pay more for health insurance and have more uninsured people than any other Western country. That's embarrassing, but worse, that will eventually bankrupt our country much more quickly than making some changes now.
The current way our health care system is set up, an insurance company has to get the claim before it decides whether or not to pay it. Got a kid who needs two well visits in a year so that you can discuss some growth issues with the pediatrician? Too bad, insurance only covers one. Flouride treatments for your teeth -- well, we only cover one per year according to our new policy that you can find online at this obscure web address. Then the companies seem so surprised that we're frustrated, that we're demanding improvements.
From their standpoint, things are pretty rosy. Aetna made over $1 billion in profit last year. Profit, not revenue. But you and I are paying ever-higher insurance premiums - doesn't that mean we should have coverage since we're paying into the system every month? - that cover less and less.
We need reform. Period. We pay more for health insurance and have more uninsured people than any other Western country. That's embarrassing, but worse, that will eventually bankrupt our country much more quickly than making some changes now.
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